Humor [001]-[002]-[003] [001] The following are actual opinion polls of the American public conducted by the polling firm of Widgery and Associates during the 15 installments of the TV Nation Show, starring Michael Moore. There is a margin of error of + or - 9%. NBC SHOW #1 65% of all Americans believe that frozen pizza will never be any good and there's nothing science can do about it. 10% of the American public would pay $5 to see Senator Orin Hatch (R-Utah) fight a big mean dog on Pay TV. 86% of all viewers would root for the dog. 100% of woman viewers would root for the dog. 45% of Americans think rain doesn't feel as good in real life as it seems to in the movies. 16% of Perot voters believe "If dolphins were really smart, they could get out of those nets." MORE.... [002] IDIOTS AT WORK...    I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed.    When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt.    So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. ADVICE FOR IDIOTS    An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: "Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes." IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD    I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there. IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE    My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. MORE... [003] Children's Books That Didn't Make It Dad's New Wife Robert The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables Some Kittens Can Fly Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence All Cats Go to Hell The Little Sissy Who Snitched You Are Different and That's Bad. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption Grandpa Gets a Casket The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy Strangers Have the Best Candy Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way You Were an Accident Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan Your Nightmares Are Real Where Would You Like to Be Buried? Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends? Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things Daddy Drinks Because You Cry ^ TOP